A Letter to Mr George R.R. Martin
8:00 pm
Dear Mr Martin,
I apologise for taking me so
long to reply to your letter. I am afraid time and again my schedule is overcrowded,
as it can be straightforwardly concluded from the regularity of my blog posts.
Also, thanks for praising the literary value of my writings. It means a lot.
Although, to be honest, that “biggest fan” and “imminent literary prizes” thing seems a bit
overmuch from where I stand at.
Ok, having said that, I think we should get down to business.
You see, Mr Martin, I have a
proposal for you. I took the liberty to suggest an alternative ending to that book
series of yours, what’s it called? A Song
of Ice and Fire?
Taking into account your infatuation
with shock and horror, here’s a thought: why wouldn’t you end the series with putting
a White Walker on the Iron Throne? And not just any White Walker: a she White
Walker. The Night’s Queen.
Now, I’m sure you’ll
understand using this idea would be a copyright infringement, right?
Still, there’s a way to bypass
this minor hitch.
All that needs to be done is to
cast me to play the Night’s Queen in the TV adaptation of the book. I promise I am way better at acting than at using Photoshop. Also, please bear
in mind that I live in Croatia, where they film a lot. That’s quite convenient,
isn’t it?
Finally, I would appreciate a great
deal if they casted Mr Tom Hardy as my partner. Please write at least one nude
scene in which we take part. Please. Please. Pretty please. I wouldn’t mind if
you killed the character afterwards. Or during. Whatever. It’s up to you.
Give it a thought, would you, Mr Martin?
Sincerely yours,
Insomnia
P.S. I am dead serious about Mr Hardy. Dead. See what I did there?
P.S. I am dead serious about Mr Hardy. Dead. See what I did there?
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